Crazy Work Hours and Diabetes

For the first time in 30 years, I’ve taken a project working at someone else’s offices. Since 1980, I’ve been an independent consultant and I’ve worked from my home office. It suits me and I love working that way.

For the past several weeks, I’ve been involved in a project with a friend and business owner involving several serious issues with another director, who, incidentally, hates my guts. Water off a duck’s back – the feeling is mutual. What that sneaky, underhanded, thieving director has done would fill volumes. While I’ve worked hard to make sure the evidence has been handed to the authorities, it’s taken many hours of my time and energy. I also knew that at the end of it, I’d have a project to sort it all out and to manage the two stores that were born of the original partnership.

On 23rd December, that other director, after we went to the lawyers with a 50 page document I’d prepared, was forcibly removed and he now no longer has anything to do with one of the businesses. The day manager was also given a DCM (don’t come Monday). So with 2 management staff down, I’ve taken both their jobs as well as what I would have been doing for the company anyway, as a consultant. I’m now fixing the sabotage as well. It’s been a complete nightmare and thankfully after 10 days we’re finally seeing some light.

So how am I faring with my pump and diabetes while doing 10 things at once and racking up around 58 hours work a week? You’d probably be as surprised as I was.

Despite carb-laden food being almost the only options for lunches and dinners from take-away stores and restaurants (who’s had time to do grocery shopping in the last 12 days?), and add to that all the stress, crazy hours, phones jangling, faxes pouring in and more, I’m surprised that not only does my pump allow me to handle all this with ease, the numbers prove that I’ve managed pretty well, all things considered!

I was supposed to be working in the other business – a much newer place with a lovely office. I was only meant to be doing 4-6 hours a day until things were sorted and then cut it back to 2-4 hours on 2-3 days a week (I still have other clients), but no one knew what a shambles the businesses would end up in, and no one anticipated the sabotage that happened in the 10  inutes before the police took the other director away. There are still some major problems with the other business, so it’s been closed since before Christmas. Because of that I’ve been working in the original business, in a small hole, slightly bigger than a broom cupboard. Getting to that hole in the wall, you have to go through a storeroom and through a bathroom. Gorgeous it ain’t! But I can see the humour.

I’m now doing a whole bunch of things that weren’t anticipated – rosters, fixing a POS System I’ve never laid eyes on before, ordering stock, handling staff problems, directing staff, putting new procedures in place, counting cash and a whole lot more, while still doing my regular IT Consulting and being an accounting software specialist. And then there have been times staff haven’t shown up, so I’ve raced in there, after 2 hours sleep, and got on the tills to get the customers through, with the phone in one hand trying to find someone to work the shift. It never stops – it’s a 24 hour place, and very popular.

New Years Eve was another nightmare with lines out the door. Thought I’d never walk properly again with the sore legs I had from standing. (I’m usually at a desk with a screen in my face.)

The remaining director, who has been a good friend for many years, fully acknowledges the ‘conditions’ under which I’m working. Believe me, he’s paying handsomely for my services, but there are a few issues he can’t pay for, even with all the tea in China. So, I wrote him a memo. I thought you might enjoy it too. We both needed a laugh after what was a horrendous week.

Here it is…

Dear Sir Mr Boss Man, Stockholm Syndrome Black-Belt, Slave Driver,

There are several issues I wish to raise in this brief lengthy and official letter.

Due to entirely foreseen circumstances, my legs, hip and back have failed. Under the law, people with this kind of disability must be catered for. After all, you do have a stinky dirty disabled toilet right outside my office and I?m forced to listen to the entirely un-mellifluous tinkle of nature, while trying very hard to concentrate in this chaotic environment.

Further, during those times, I?m unceremoniously imprisoned in my inhumanly small, stuffy and hot oven office at the will of the tinkler. (Check the Geneva Convention laws about the minimum size of cells). I am also now living in abject fear that one day I may be imprisoned there forever, without food, chocolate or cigarettes. That would be a tragedy of the worst kind, for which my estate will be bound to sue the pants off you (I changed my will today to force them to act on my behalf).

Because of the failure of certain parts of my body, I wish to respectfully request that a supply of Nurofen or similar be paid for by the company to comply with the law and to show me the smallest measure of respect for the terrible hardships I have to endure while employed by you. Perhaps you might also consider some No-Doz, but of course this is not essential, and probably not provided for under the law.

I understand that you have now perfected the method to age someone 10 years in 8 days, and I applaud you for it, but might I ask where your integrity is with this cruel and unusual treatment of loyal, hard-working employees? I understand that it?s provided free, so I really don?t want to look such a generous gift-horse in the mouth, so to speak, but surely you?ll agree it?s a tad excessive. I only expected to be aged 5 years not 10! This kind of misrepresentation is surely punishable by the Department of Fair Trading.

Further, I will be contacting the agency that has jurisdiction over abuse of old people and slave labour. This 17 hours a day you are forcing me to work, might well be considered excessive in the Western World and could be a crime with a lengthy jail sentence. Please be on notice that you could be charged under the law, and be forced to pay compensation as well as do jail time. And because I like working here… most of the time… I will only be claiming $10M compensation (not $20M as the law provides), and recommending that you not go to jail for these heinous crimes.

I have submitted a copy of this letter to my lawyer so that you cannot force me to retire on the grounds that I am making these complaints. Please be aware that on 1st January, the Fair Work System comes into effect. It provides massive overtime for all work over the standard 38 hours per week (note, not “per day”), which an old and decrepit person like me shouldn?t be forced to do anyway. Ha, and I thought a labour government was for the people, not for employers! This is the kind of nonsense they promote when they want to get votes from rich people. I know their game. And I now know yours too.

Did Mr Gone-Director ever force anyone to work 17 hours in one day? I doubt it! Even the wicked witch Miss Director’sWife didn?t have to work the 25 hours she got paid for. Wow, Mr Gone-Director sure treated his staff well and was especially generous with them, paying them for work not done. You?d do well to do the same! As you know, I?d never claim such a thing, so perhaps some kind of bonus is in order? It?s tax deductible, you know!

I?m truly sorry I have to bring these matters to your attention, but there will be far-reaching consequences if I don?t – both for myself and my long-suffering, working-man, non-English-speaking husband and my beloved CharlyDog, who simply will not fit in my office, as promised, no matter which way I rearrange the furniture. My husband fails to understand why you are stalking me from work to home all the time. Would you care to explain that to him after the police release you on bail?

You must surely admit that you did lie about the luxurious conditions at work, didn?t you? You got me to work there under false pretences, promising me a spacious office with air conditioning and a bed for poor Charly, who now has to stay at home all alone crying because you are so cruel.

Anyway… here are my demands. And I will not budge an inch on them.

By 4pm today, I demand an occasional company-supplied packet of Nurofen, otherwise I will have no choice but to take further action.

For insurance purposes I am bound to report these nefarious activities to the police and other authoritative bodies. To that end, I have already prepared a lengthy 50+ page report with dated photo and audio evidence of the alleged jailer-tinklers and the abject conditions I must endure, which I?ve given to my lawyer, and which will be taken to the police forthwith at 4:01pm if my demands are not met.

Oh and one more thing. I have also asked Mr Gone-Director to testify on my behalf, which he is very willing to do. I may even have to get <someone else> to intervene if this keeps up. After all, Mr Gone-Director had to endure these horrendous conditions for 6 long and arduous years! No wonder he?s a bit angry now! While I?m not as childishly vindictive as he appears to currently be, I am, unfortunately, forced to make these grave complaints because you are long past the agreed 2-4 hours a day you proposed when you hired me. Your name will be dirt when this gets around the community! You can buy my silence with good quality dark chocolate.

At 4:02pm, after my report is faxed around the globe (at my own cost, of course), I am considering beginning strike action.

Yours faithfully,

Miss Brunhilde Longsuffering Hardworker,
Emotional Blackmailer (EB) and Qualified Expert Letter Writer (QELW)